Well, we took over caring for MIL on the 24th of Feb. and the first week went pretty great really. Our only hiccup came at the end of the week. When I came to her house Friday evening we were going to set up her pills for the week. Only 4 of the 5 bottles were on the table. I looked and looked (even crawling under the table on my hands and knees!) but couldn't find it. Then I got the idea to look in the trash. BINGO! There was the bottle with the label torn off, and a little more digging found 5 pills. DD was there and she dug around for the rest of them. Luckily it was all paper garbage, not coffee grounds or tuna fish cans, LOL. When asked if she threw them out, of course MIL said "no." And I asked if she had any idea how they got there, "No." I spent some time trying to explain why these were important (it was her Crestor) and she gave me her reasons why she shouldn't be taking it anymore. Really great stuff like "I'm allergic to it and the family Dr. knows it, he took me off Crestor years ago and told me I'd never have to take it again" Mind you, she admitted into the hospital with it as one of her "current meds." So that doesn't really hold up. Then she tried, "It's the same as this other one (because they are both light peach in color!) so I can't take them both!" Basically, she just convinced herself that she wasn't going to take them and wasn't going to listen to anything I had to say. I asked if she would throw them away again if I left them there and she said "Probably." So I took them when I left that night. She had an appointment with the family doctor coming up the next Wednesday. I looked online and there aren't any horrible side effects from going off it cold turkey, so I decided to let it go until we saw the Doctor.
At that appointment, he said all the same things I said. Those side effects were not from the medication. She's tired and dizzy from the AFib, not the Crestor. And Crestor doesn't cause a rash. She still didn't care and wasn't going to accept it. He told her to take it for 3 or 4 days more and if there were side effects that were bad, then she could set it aside. She told DD later when asked about the appointment, "Only 4 more days!" With a chuckle. So what SHE heard is, "take it for 4 more days, then you can quit." *sigh*
The other problem is that DH & I don't see eye to eye on keeping someone there 24/7. He thinks it's fine to let her be alone and if she has a fall or a problem she can just call us. This is crazy because it depends on her 1. calling for help - which she never, never does. 2. being honest about how she is feeling, which she also never, never does and again, calling for help when she is not feeling well. 3. following the "rules" about not going outside without anyone, using her cane, no stairs, etc. So I am still going over for all my "shifts" and just hanging out. But now, in only the second week of this, he is going on Thursday and Friday morning for a short visit and then coming home and going to bed. So she is alone from, say, 9am until I get there around 5pm. *another sigh* I understand his problem with being there, he is not getting enough sleep and has fallen asleep at work - that could get him fired! But, yesterday he did this for the first time, and she went outside alone and got the mail and paper. Luckily, no falls or incidents, but next time? Who knows?
He says I'm not listening to him, when he says we don't need to be there 24/7, but I also think he's not hearing me. He gets upset because he says my questioning his plan is saying I'm saying he doesn't "know" his mom. But you know, in a way I don't think he does. He knows she is stubborn, and he knows she is determined, but he doesn't seem to know that this stubborn determined thing takes its form in her throwing away medication and going out to the road. And she doesn't regret either one of those examples. She would do them again - heck, she's alone today, maybe she DID go out to the mailbox. What if she had thrown away her blood thinner instead of cholesterol medicine? What if I hadn't noticed? How long before another stroke? And God help us, what if this one was bigger? He tells her THAT, but she is like most people, thinking "Oh, that won't happen to me, I'll be fine." And that's the part he is disconnected from. She thinks "Oh, it's just down the sidewalk, to the mailbox. There's no snow or ice, I have my cane . . . . I'll be just fine, nothing will happen." But you know what, falls happen, accidents happen. We aren't at her house to "give care" but mostly just to "be there in case." And yes, it does feel like a lot of wasted time. Nothing happens and we aren't needed. I sit there for 10 hours on her couch listening to TV shows I don't like (CSI, NCIS, Law & Order Special Victims & Criminal Minds -- SOOOO Depressing and dark! I hate even just hearing it & having it in my brain!!!!) and hand quilting or doing our bills & budgets. Just busywork, not really accomplishing anything.
So, now we head into our second weekend - DD & I will both be gone all day tomorrow (7:30am to 5 or 6pm) and MIL will be at our house for the day. I'll be interested to hear how it goes, what happens. Poor her though, DH will be watching what he likes, so it's "mountain men" - type reality shows for her all day, LOL.
Of course, my quilting isn't getting done, so the charm quilt didn't make it to the Bloomington show, heck, it only has about 2 passes done. I'm just doing a meandering feather all over the pieced section, rather than more custom quilting. The thread colors were just going to be a nightmare with all the different color fabrics. I have a pretty table runner that's pieced and ready to quilt as a wedding gift for a gal at church. Her wedding is at the end of April. It's in greens and mustard yellows. She likes those colors. I'm going to quilt in their names and the wedding date so it will be a special keepsake for them!
I also have the superhero t-shirt quilt to quilt up. The backing is going to be great, and I can't wait to return it to Sonya and see her reaction!
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