I jinxed myself! I was looking at the calendar last Monday night and kinda patting myself on the back that it had been 10 weeks of taking care of the mother-in-law, and it's gone well. Sure enough! The very next day we she and I got into a humdinger of a fight, our first biggie! And of course, it was over medicine.
We had gone to do her grocery shopping, and she picked up a bottle of Aleve to put in the cart. I took it out of her hands and reminded her that she couldn't take that, the Dr. specified Aleve as a no-no when they went over her discharge instructions. I remember her daughter getting right in her face and telling her "Now Mom, you can't take Aleve anymore because of you new medicine." And when they got home, the daughter threw out any bottles of Aleve in the house. After a heated discussion, I gave in and let her put it in the cart. I figured that when I loaded the groceries in the car, I'd pull the bottle out of her sack and put it in one of mine. Unfortunately, she must have smelled that plan on me, because when we got to the car she began rummaging through the sacks and found the Aleve and put it in her jacket pocket. *sigh*
I was mad because she just wasn't doing what she was supposed to do. When I got in the car, I turned to her and said, why don't you just call the doctor and tell him that you are in pain! And the Tylonal they are telling you to take isn't cutting it, so what can you take? Ask the doctor, that's why you have him, and he knows best. She said she had called the doctor, and I said that's BS! You know you didn't call him because he wouldn't have said this was ok. She then accused me of calling the doctors behind her back. That floored me! I told her I haven't done that EVER. I know how she felt about that and haven't once done it!! She insisted that I had. I started crying because I couldn't believe she'd tell a lie like that. We fussed, and she got out of the car, so I scurried around to her door to keep her from wandering off (She tells the story that I "yanked" her out of the car and she said I was trying to make her fall - *sigh*) So we're in the parking lot, I'm crying and we're both fussing at each other. I finally tell her to get in the car and I took her walking cane and put it in there (she says I took it from her and tried to make her fall, *sigh again*) She finally did. I said if she wasn't going to listen to me, I'd just tell her daughter about the Aleve and let HER get it through to MIL. She said, "You just do that, you call her all the time behind my back and tell her everything anyway!" Another lie I couldn't believe she'd say! I came around and got in and she fussed at me "Shut up and take me home, and just shut up, don't talk to me the way home." I was SOBBING! My teeth were chattering I was crying so hard. I told her that I hadn't spoken to her daughter since we took over her care, except for the one time they came to visit at her house and I was there. That's it! She said I'd talked to the Son-in-Law just the day before, "Yes, I answered the phone, and then passed it to you! I didn't TALK about anything!" So that was our ride home - 10 miles, me sobbing and asking her why she would tell lies about me and telling her that I've put keeping her in her home as my number one priority. Her saying "Just keep crying like a baby, throw your little fit like a crybaby, go on!" The logical part of my brain knew that she was just keeping up a diversion to throw me off the real issue, the bottle of Aleve in her pocket. Twice I even said "Heck, I can promise you I never called your daughter because I DON'T EVEN LIKE HER! Why would I call her?" Before I said it a third time, my logical part of the brain said, "Hey dummy, all she's going to remember about this car ride is that you don't like her daughter - -that's not good! Shut up!"
So, we get to my house and I go in and take my one sack of groceries, leaving her in the car. I wake up DH and say between sobs, "You need to get up, get dressed and take your mom to her house right now!" Poor fellow, he was sleeping peacefully, and then this! And of all things to say, he sits up and says "Why?" I kicked off my shoes across the room as I screamed "Because I F*ING said so!" Yeah, he didn't mumble another word!
I stripped and crawled into bed and kept sobbing. Really, the force of this cry almost scared me. I couldn't believe it. But I"m sure 10 weeks of stress built up and this was a bit of a release. By the time DH got home, about a half hour later, I was in the shower and finally not crying. I gave him just the bare bones, not wanting to really drag him into it, or give it any more attention than it needed.
Now, it's a week and a half later, I've talked with the niece a bit and given her some of my side, to offset some of MIL's inaccuracies. And I figure I'll just go on as if nothing ever happened. However, I now know that she has some paranoia (thinking I'm calling doctors and family behind her back) and does a fair amount of lying (either intentional, or just out of old age or confusion?) So I will no longer take what she says at face value. Also, I'm of the opinion that I'm not going to work harder to keep her healthy than she is working. So like the Aleve, if she's going to buy it and take it, I'll let her, I'll make notes to let the Doctor's know at her next appointment, but I won't tattle to anyone and I won't try to stop her. DH has said all along that she will try to do stupid things and we can't stop her. I was of the opinion it was our job to do just that. And now, I agree with DH. I'll remind her of things (Like you can't take that Aleve, or go down the stairs by yourself) but when she does it, then that's her choice and I'm not interfering.
She has started asking Sam to take her places and calling her daughter at least once about some doctor thing. But I'll just be acting like nothing happened and moving on. I plan to take her to the appointments I know about, if only to be sure I and the doctor are both getting full and first-hand information.
*sigh* at least it's not MY mom, that would add a whole other emotional, button-pushing level to the "fun" LOL
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